#clone

And if I had a clone of myself, I’d seriously consider giving up my crime fighting to settle down in a serious relationship. Even though it would be a same sex relationship, dating your own clone definitely isn’t gay. And even though you are related to yourself, dating your own clone is not incest either. It’s merely self-love. It’s more like masturbation mixed with conversation. How many times have you longed for a talking penis? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #masturbation #dating

In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series. ↗

— Craig Kilborn

#bad thing #because #boston #clone #created

When I was I younger I didn't want to be gay. Not because I was scared of the sexual thing; I didn't want to be a clone. Now this was in the late '70s. ↗

— Neil Tennant

#clone #gay #i #late #now

The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my clones.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #earth #government #life #mars

I’ll make a name for myself, after I make a copy of myself. The key to a productive life is cloning.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#copy-of-myself #fame #key #make-a-name-for-myself #productive-life

If Nostradamus and Tiresias used gay magic to have a baby, and that baby grew up to make a lot of predictions about the destiny of clones – if that happened, then I would have a reason to convert to asexuality. As it is, I just kind of felt like not doing it. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#clones #funny #humor #prophecy #funny

I wish I could claim that I said this being an author, but alas I did not." -- I try to leave out the parts that people skip. — Elmore Leonard ↗

— Tommy Taylor

#christian #clone #fiction #mystery #thriller

Being sociable is a skill you can learn. It’s like throwing a spiral, riding a bicycle, or murdering your clone’s lover, who also happens to be your girlfriend. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #murder #funny

I worry about identity theft. What’s to stop somebody from cloning me to drain the cash from my bank account? And it’d be just as easy for my clone to pretend to be me as it is for me to pretend to be me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #identity-theft #funny

She said, “You disgust me. How do you live with yourself?” So I said, “Like I live with my clone: with many pats on the back, accompanied by high flattery. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny