#expect

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a gift of something I’ve just grifted. So while he’s pondering the meaning of the brick as a present, I’m off spending his money. It’s win-win for both of us. And by both of us I mean me and you, not me and him, because naturally you’ll be my accomplice, my partner, and as such you’re entitled to half. Of half. But since I’m paying you 25%, you’re paying for dinner. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

People can have so many ill-conceived ideas about me based on the parts that I play. I've had guys, when I've been single, come out of the woodwork to date me and I've found out very quickly that they were expecting some kind of whirlwind, some dramatic crazy person - and that's just not me. ↗

— Jennifer Jason Leigh

#based #been #come #crazy #crazy person

I mean, I'm 48 years old and I've been through a lot in my life - you know, loss, whether it be death, illness, separation. I mean, the failed expectations... We all have dreams. ↗

— Annie Lennox

#death #dreams #expectations #failed #i

People often expect me to be something other than what I am. ↗

— Melissa Leo

#expect #i #i am #me #often

What this means is that the first week of every new series of ads will continue to yield softer results than you can expect to see in weeks two and three. ↗

— Roy H. Williams

#continue #every #expect #first #means

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine. ↗

— Flip Wilson

#expect #few #hit #machine #put

Having that amount of nominations makes me a little nervous, because you feel that the bar is really high, the expectations are really high, but it also feels great. ↗

— Lee Ann Womack

#amount #bar #because #expectations #feel

A brick is a rust-colored blur of movement, caught in a moment, and transformed from motion into a physical object. Studying this brick would give scientists an insight into how fast I run.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert themselves up my anus, and both failed to penetrate me (though Kansas got pretty close).
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to find the Brick of Truth. Many lies will be layered on the Brick of Truth to try to cover it up, but the blanket will cover up all the lies, thus covering up the cover up and thereby revealing the Brick of Truth. And don’t try to steal the covers, because the blanket will only provide warmth to the Brick of Truth. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny