#funeral

People don't understand that all presidents, the minute they become president, get a knock at the door. And there's a man there saying, 'Let's talk about your funeral.' At the time I thought, God, that's a terrible thing. Later on, I thought it was pretty wise. ↗

— Nancy Reagan

#become #door #funeral #get #god

O Earth, lie heavily upon her eyes; Seal her sweet eyes weary of watching Earth; Lie close around her; leave no room for mirth With its harsh laughter, nor for sound of sighs. She hath no questions, she hath no replies. ↗

— Jeffrey Eugenides

#christianity #death #earth #funeral #poem

Today, a couple with 'just married' tags collided head-on with a hearse carrying two coffins in the back, both of a married couple that had previously died in a car accident. ↗

— Anthony Liccione

#bad-marriage #coffin #couple #curse #death

Do you really think anyone needs some kind of notarized statement saying 'Dear Saint Peter, here's another stiff, pass him through the gates, signed, Father McGonnigill.'...'PS: He once had a hot dog on a Friday, but don't hold that against him.' ↗

— P. N. Elrod

#funerals #lady-crymsyn #religion-philosophy #vampire-files #death

Following directly behind the bier were the servants who would, in earlier times, have been slaughtered at the graveside, along with a warrior's horse. Musicians and torchbearers came next, with the rear taken up by the mimes- sinister, silent figures in wax masks modelled on dead members of the family. ↗

— Catharine Arnold

#funeral #mimes #death

God helps everything come to pass. However, he reminds us that nothing comes to stay. ↗

— Shannon L. Alder

#death #family #friends #funerals #life

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. ↗

— Eddie Cantor

#flowers #funeral #own #smell #wedding

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening. ↗

— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

#baby #bride #corpse #every #father

I checked myself out in that funeral parlour scene. I saw myself laughing, because there was a shot of Ed and I together and Mary was right in back of us. My head turned from the camera and I saw myself laughing, because Mary was absolutely brilliant in that thing. ↗

— Gavin MacLeod

#back #because #brilliant #camera #checked

The accumulation of birthdays is the leading cause of death in the United States and other large land masses. Now while that may not be 100% accurate, it is at least 88% accurate. Actually, the last sentence itself might not have been 100% accurate, but I’m 88% sure it was. Maybe I should just brush up on fractions and percentages before making statements that are liable to hurt the funeral industry, because if birthdays aren’t killing people then it’s bad for the mortality business. And if you can’t trust somebody to die, then you can’t trust somebody. But I’m somebody you can trust. I’m at least 88% trustworthy, at least 88% of the time. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accurate #birthday #death #die #fractions