#funny

I can't help it, I run up to him and put my arms around him. Shocked he pulls away, just a little because my arms are still around him and he lifts my head to look at him and kisses me. "And you've been trying to act like you aren't interested." he says while smiling that smile that makes butterflies suddenly appear in multitudes in my stomach. ↗

— Sara Daniell

#funny

Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?" Adina scoffed. "Is she all, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't s ee your penis there'?" Tiara squealed and waved her hands. "Don't say that word!" "What? Accidentally? Sorry? Penis?" "Gah!" Tiara put her fingers in her ears. "What about phallic?" Petra teased. "Like, 'Yon volcano is quite phallic, Lady Tiara.'" Tiara looked confused. "Phallic means penis-like," Petra explained. "Ooh," Tiara said. ↗

— Libba Bray

#funny

What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll. "It’s called the Scream," I said. "I know that, but what us it?” Dad said. “Maybe she sleeps with it,” I said to Dad as he tucked it under his arm. “Then no wonder it’s screaming,” he said. ↗

— Douglas Rees

#humor #funny

Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly. ↗

— Eleanor Hallowell Abbott

#funny #humor #funny

But though it had prevailed against such fierce adversaries as fire and flood, it had fallen victim softly and swiftly to television in the 1960's. ↗

— Kate Morton

#irony #technology #television #theatres #funny

A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is not going to transform it into a wall. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Excuse me for a moment, will ye. I think I have to talk to the river,' he said unsteadily and flopped over the side-rail. ↗

— Ian Livingstone

#fantasy #funny #humour #stubble #zagor

A brick, in the hands of a Mason, could be used to cover up and hide a secret handshake.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used as a magical flying apparatus, much like an Arabic rug, only with the addition of a brick you now have a pilot’s seat. Move over, NASA—the high tech of the future lays in the past. It also presently lays on my bed.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick and a blanket represent two lovers who can never be together. I simply forbid it!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny