#funny

I can't believe this heat," Abbey said, taking her tunic and pulling it over her head. Underneath was a form-fitting top that showed a figure unaccustomed to idleness or excess. Kip stared at her the way he had at the shiney curves of the steel horse back in the garage. "Can you imagine what it must have been like hundreds of years ago, when weather changed just a few times a year?" she said, wiping sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. "Yeah, it must have looked great," Kip said. "What do you mean looked great?" Abbey said, turning her eye on Kip. "Must have been great, like you said," he corrected. ↗

— Shawn Keenan

#funny #heat #kip #pervert #change

Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal. ↗

— Bauvard

#fasting #funny #humor #funny

I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else. ↗

— Gene Wilder

#anything #being #camera #else #funny

The funny thing is that I had never actually watched TV. ↗

— Dave Willis

#funny #funny thing #had #i #never

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine. ↗

— Flip Wilson

#funny #i #i can #main #main point

I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I was seen spotted with an older woman and a girl half my height in age. A leopard was also spotted.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #girl #height #humor #leopard

I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #birthdays #funny #height #humor

...a row of tables manned by seated, serious women. Each woman looked like she could be someone's least-favourite aunt. ↗

— Adam Rex

#funny #women #age

Love is like wearing all red to a funeral, out of respect for the fact that the recently deceased got stabbed 17 times by a cherry Kool-Aid flavored icicle. I'd also recommend bringing your own boom box blasting out "Ice Ice Baby" as you dance down the aisle of the church.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dancing #death #fact #funeral #funny