#funny

No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE ↗

— Andy Ostrom

#cooking #entertaining #etiquette #funny #humor

Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time. ↗

— Bauvard

#healing #humor #injuries #scars #wrinkles

The only way to tell a fable is to introduce a human. The only way to tell a proverb is to introduce your grandfather. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #proverbs #funny

Can I just ask, after we find this guy, can we talk about the Vibrator Ceremony? I’m thinking of making us all kind of choir like robes to wear but with sequins and some satin sashes as belts. Maybe in chartreuse. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#vibrator #funny

Do you have ovaries?" Jacob asked. I shot him a look. "Yes" He slid down the back of the couch and sat beside Brittany. "Then how are you not intrested? ↗

— J. Lynn

#wait-for-you #funny

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #hilarious #spiders #funny

Finn is God: So much for Earth Day. I totally screwed things up and started celebrating the wrong planet. Now I have to collect all these stupid trademarked dog figurines that I distributed all of the yard. At least it's better than last year's mistake when I had butt statues everywhere. ↗

— Jessica Park

#funny

Coveralls," I reply, and I know I'm no longer screening what's coming out of my mouth. He raises a eyebrow, amused yet again. "You wouldn't want to ruin your clothing." I gesture vaguely in the direction of his jeans. "I could always take them off." He smirks. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#funny #humor #humour #funny

She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny