#funny

As for your punishment, Midwife, you’ll receive the standard penalty for treason. We’re disbarring you from Our psyche. Put him on the next neurotransmitter bound for the temporal lobe. He can spend the rest of his days quivering in fear and wavering between short and long-term memory. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #midwifery #treason #funny

Bags! ↗

— Terry Goodkind

#book #curse #funny #humor #magic

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people. ↗

— Criss Jami

#bore #boredom #boring #contagious #cynic

Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil! ↗

— Golda Meir

#funny #moses #funny

He blinked a few times, each motion so slow that he was never quite sure if he’d get his eyes open again. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Funny how he was only just realizing it. Funnier still that he couldn’t seem to summon any concern for her maidenly sensibilities. She might be blushing. He couldn’t tell. It was too dark to see. But it didn’t matter. This was Honoria. She was a good egg. A sensible egg. She wouldn’t be scarred forever by the sight of his chest. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#julia-quinn #just-like-heaven #marcus #funny

Is that clear?" said Borcht "as clear as pea soup" I said ↗

— James Patterson

#funny

I had a funny feeling as I saw the house disappear, as though I had written a poem and it was very good and I had lost it and would never remember it again. ↗

— Raymond Chandler

#crime #marlowe #noir #funny

The nice thing about wading in earthly pleasures is that if you make it to heaven, the landfills are full of pruned feathers and God’s silky beard trimmings. And if you don’t make it to heaven, at least you’ll have fond memories of the air-conditioned garbage truck. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #garbage #humor #funny

I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people. ↗

— Peter Cameron

#funny

Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut?...You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now. ↗

— Kate Quinn

#comeback #funny #insult #kate-quinn #mistress-of-rome