#funny

I offered you a choice, and you took it." I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #gabriel #gonorrhea #jane-jameson #molly-harper

I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #funny

I would have to hide in the jungle and live wild amoung the pandas ↗

— Diane Messidoro

#pandas #funny

To sympathize with the suffering of others forges understanding, but that doesn't mean they'll put up with you. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #sympathy #toleration #funny

Postcards and postcolonialism are two things I advocate for people who can't afford to go on vacation. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #postcolonialism #vacation #funny

It's funny how you take things like electricity for granted. You hit the button that turns everything on and it just comes on. You get used to that and it just works every single time. So what happens when it suddenly doesn't? things very well could get messy. ↗

— Robin Burks

#fantasy #mythology-fiction #funny

Lord Carradice managed to look wicked, smug, and saintly, all at the same time. ↗

— Anne Gracie

#historical-romance #humour #romance #funny

He treats the person as if they were fully whole. We become what others expect us to be. Dad expected me to get better and even assumed I would have something helpful to say. Funny how we rise and fall to the assumptions of others. ↗

— Nathan Foster

#dad #healing #transformation #wholeness #funny

Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone." "If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks. ↗

— Molly Harper

#erectile-dysfunction #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Who peed in your cheerios?" - Daniel - The Unbecoming Of Mara Dyer ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#funny