#funny

You know what I used to dream about, in stir?" His voice was hoarse, the words low and fast and faintly guttural. "I used to dream about you. You were the only clean and good and decent thing left in my life, and I would dream about you. I used to dream about taking your clothes off piece by piece, and what you would look like naked, and how it would feel to fuck you really good. I used to dream about that in high school, too. In fact, I got off almost every night for the last fourteen years, dreaming about you." Rachel's lips parted with shock. Speechless, she stared at him wide-eyed for what seemed an eternity while her heart suddenly hammered and her throat went dry. "I'm fucking tired of dreaming, ↗

— Karen Robards

#funny #sex #dreams

Quirky, funny, happy-go-lucky dead inside Dexter. No longer Dexter with the knife, Dexter the Avenger. Not until next time. ↗

— Jeff Lindsay

#next-time #quirky #dreams

The first thing she told me after I hit on her was that she had a boyfriend of nine months, and I thought, what kind of sick bitch dates infants? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #dating

She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the most potent, sanity- destroying substance in the universe. ↗

— Linda Howard

#love #experience

Simon!" Clary shouted, and seized his arm. "What?" Simon looked alarmed. "I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #age

Sometimes I get depressed about my age. In March I’ll be 26. If man weren’t measured in numbers, but rather letters, I’d be turning Z. And then I’d be dead. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead #death #depressed #funny #letters

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #conversations #funny #humor #mind

The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #funny #inspirational #kiss #kissing-quotes

Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#bloodlines #funny #richelle-mead #the-golden-lily #dating

It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #murderer #politician #politics #rapist