#funny

A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one who warned you about dating a politician.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Look into your heart and ask yourself, what would you die for?" "I don't know. There’s really no reason for it, with modern science as advanced as it is. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #science #death

Glaring at the Gasman, ter Borcht said, “Your time is coming to an end, you pathetic failure of an experiment. Vhat you say now is how you vill be remembered.” Gazzy’s blue eyes flashed. “Then you can remember me telling you to kiss my-” “Enough!” ter Borcht said. ↗

— James Patterson

#badass #cool-response #death #end #funny

We losers don't fear death. For us it's the end of a lifelong losing spell. ↗

— Dakota Dawn

#life #truth #wisdom #death

In America, you pay your insurance, or you die. Assessment of risk is lifeblood. But here, I can’t tell. People may be insured, or they may not. Poverty and death are constantly looming, but the populace is never engulfed, nor have I been set at ease with the bright smiles which imply a comprehensive dental plan. At most, I fear that only a crude scraping is covered, and that fluoride treatment is being neglected entirely. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #insurance #death

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here. ↗

— Kristina McBride

#funny #grief #humor #humour #death

In the absence of a cat, I’d consider cuddling with a synthetic fur coat. Especially if your dead grandma was wearing it.
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— Jarod Kintz

#cats #coat #cuddle #cuddling #death

I’m surprised there isn’t a jet airplane designed in the shape of a brick. Some people (aeronautical engineers) might say that’s because bricks aren’t aerodynamic. Yeah, right. I’d like to see someone make that claim as they watch a brick flying towards their face at a high velocity. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

Suits obviously had helped to promote bad government and he was as guilty as anyone for wearing them so steadfastly for twenty years. Of late he had become frightened of the government for the first time in his life, the way the structure of democracy had begun debasing people rather than enlivening them in their mutual concern. The structure was no longer concerned with the purpose for which it was designed, and a small part of the cause, Nordstrom thought, was probably that all politicians and bureaucrats wore suits. ↗

— Jim Harrison

#government #suits #design

I design, manufacture, distribute, and sell elevator buttons. I specialize in the fourth floor. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m such a good salesman that I could sell one of my fourth-floor elevator buttons to the owner of a three-story building. I’m also into jazz. I make elevator music in my free time. My motto in life: You can’t push my buttons if you don’t buy them. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #sales #design