#funny

My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. ↗

— Samuel Johnson

#funny #humour #review #funny

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious

hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#fire #funny #games #hunger #funny

If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#lust #mannequin #funny

Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #funny

If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#girlfriends #knees #replaced #run-around #witty

The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies. ↗

— Robert Conquest

#funny #management #funny

Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. “Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus—only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever checks it out. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#leo-valdez #funny

Leo,” Hazel gasped, “I can’t—my arms—” “Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?” “No!” “Me neither,” Leo admitted. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo-i-love-you-ok #lol #trust #funny

When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed. The Enemy of Old fucking sighed. Dear gods, it’d finally happened to him. Happiness. Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #happiness #immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #lothaire