#funny

I think you're crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary." His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we start walking again, his step a little lighter than it was before. It feels strange to have that kind of power over someone. "I mean, you're crazy good at it for a stoner who couldn't seem to get his shit together academically at all," I add. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#drugs #funny #humor #survival #funny

The strongest should come first in comedy because once a character is really established as funny everything he does is funny. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#funny

Why is she afraid?" he asked. "She's not Anjin-san. Just a little nervous. Please excuse her. She's never seen a foreigner close to before." "Tell her when the moon's full, barbarians sprout horns and fire comes out of our mouths like dragons. ↗

— James Clavell

#humor #funny

I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invited. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#honor #humor #parade #funny

Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #humor #relationship #funny

I don’t like crude oil, because it’s so vulgar. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #oil #vulgar #funny

The perfect vehicle to take to the moon would be a two-door Saturn with a sunroof. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #moon #saturn #sunroof #vehicle

I always leave the toilet seat up. It’s just easier to wash my hair that way. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Most animals show themselves sparingly. The grizzly bear is six to eight hundred pounds of smugness. It has no need to hide. If it were a person, it would laugh loudly in quiet restaurants, boastfully wear the wrong clothes for special occasions, and probably play hockey. ↗

— Craig Childs

#bear #funny #grizzly-bear #funny

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #jokes #funny