#funny

I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #planet #population #sexy

The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree. ↗

— Flannery O'Connor

#parkers-back #funny

What are you" -Mac "I don't follow" -Jericho "You dropped 30 feet in that warehouse. You should have broken something. What are you?" -Mac "A man with a rope." -Jericho ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#funny

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drink #drinking #entrepreneur #entrepreneurship #funny

What did Isabelle want?" Jace asked. Alec hesitated. "Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with us." "Sure," said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour." Alec looked puzzled. "Who's Madonna?" "Who's the Queen of the Seelie Court?" said Clary. "She is the Queen of Faerie," said Magnus. "Well, the local one, anyway." Jace put his head in his hands. "Tell Isabelle no." "But she thinks it's a good idea," Alec protested. "Then tell her no twice. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #madonna #sarcasm #funny

I think it would be neat to meet a man who slept with one eye open, especially if that man was a Cyclops. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-and-random #humor #sleep #funny

I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #karate #funny

They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#florida #funny #hear #spanish #talking

I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#funny

When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass! ↗

— Julie Halpern

#humor #funny