#funny

Imperio!” Moody jerked his wand, and the spider rose onto two of its hind legs and went into what was unmistakably a tap dance. Everyone was laughing — everyone except Moody. “Think it’s funny, do you?” he growled. “You’d like it, would you, if I did it to you?” The laughter died away almost instantly. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#mad-eye-moody #spells #spiders #tap-dance #funny

Don't look pleased with yourself. When Will says 'enterprising, ' he means 'morally deficient. '" "No, I mean enterprising, " said Will. "When I mean morally deficient, I say, 'Now, that's something I would have done. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#funny #funny

She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#humour #romance #funny

You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?” “How does McDonald’s sound?” “Inadequate. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#humour #romance #funny

I think it would be rewarding to be a professional non-thinker, because I’m always trying to do the exact opposite of work. So I might as well spend eight hours a day deep in thought. Plus, I think it would be marvelous to hear my boss scream, “What are you doing thinking? Get back to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #strange #thinking #funny

I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they’re always being perverty when I’m around. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#funny

I don't have a car." His eyes sliced into mine. "I walked here," I explained. "I'm on foot." "Angel," he said in a way that sounded like he sincerely hoped I was joking. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #nora-and-patch #patch-cipriano #silence

Thank you for helping my sister,” he says. I lean forward, mimicking his position. “I’m happy to.” Calliope leans out her window. “STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#cricket #flirt #funny #lola #lola-and-the-boy-next-door

Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one in history affects everyone. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny