#funny

I wish the Fallen would just come to us for a change.” Ironically, Fallen Angels dropped from the sky and surrounded us. “I wish I had a chocolate cake!” I exclaimed, staring up. No cake appeared, though I did get a few wry glances. Andrew’s body shook with silent laughter while Lucia gave me raised eyebrows. “What? It worked for the Fallen Angels. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#joke #timeless-series #change

My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #erection #funny #humor #noon

There’s not a person alive who is ugly. Now dead people, they disgust me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beauty #dead #funny #humor #ugly

I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Where the brave don't have the guts to question their immortal duty, cowards are rash about survival. ↗

— Bauvard

#cowardice #funny #humor #rashness #courage

I find that the middle finger is the universal signal of communication. I often use it to wave hello, point at someone, and convey my thoughts to deaf people. I used to use it to shake hands, but it kept getting broken. ↗

— Bauvard

#communicating #fingers #funny #gestures #hand-signals

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and he’s very pleased with the way America’s progressing, collectively, as a country.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Look into your heart and ask yourself, what would you die for?" "I don't know. There’s really no reason for it, with modern science as advanced as it is. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #science #death

Glaring at the Gasman, ter Borcht said, “Your time is coming to an end, you pathetic failure of an experiment. Vhat you say now is how you vill be remembered.” Gazzy’s blue eyes flashed. “Then you can remember me telling you to kiss my-” “Enough!” ter Borcht said. ↗

— James Patterson

#badass #cool-response #death #end #funny