#funny

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time. ↗

— Wendy Mass

#funny #humor #jeremy-fink #jetsam #keys

You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it." And then he took me to the bed. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #rose-hathaway #sweet #funny

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned ↗

— Benjamin Franklin

#inspirational #money #funny

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#funny #sad #stupid #funny

You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#writing #funny

Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immediately identifiable. Clary twirled the phone cord nervously around her finger. "Yeees?" "Hi, I'm one of the knife-carrying hooligans you met last night in Pandemonium? I"m afraid I made a bad impression and was hoping you'd give me a chance to make it up to-" "SIMON!" Clary held the phone away from her ear as he cracked up laughing. "That is so not funny!" "Sure it is. You just don't see the humor." "Jerk." Clary sighed, leaning up against the wall. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #joke #phone #simon-lewis #tease

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but 'That's funny... ↗

— Isaac Asimov

#funny

I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grades #humor #iq #kidnap

A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #rose #funny

I made a graph of my emotions, a chart, and when I looked it over I was amazed to notice that the day Agatha broke up with me looked identical to the stock market crash of 1929. I thought I was the Irving Fisher of love. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny