#funny

I know I'm delicious. Nummy.....nummy. -Vlad ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#vlad #funny

What if I was the sexual equivalent of popcorn? Suitable for light snacking only? ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#kaylee #funny

If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#late #on-time #promise #punctuality #funny

very funny my sarcastic friend ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace #funny

Lief. That's not nice, considering all your sister has done for you," admonished Perl. "Oh right. How could I forget that she made me bait for a snake, left me on house arrest in Ixia, and smuggled me into the Keep in a coffin. ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#funny #lief #funny

It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated. ↗

— Elizabeth Cruickshank

#funny #oxymoron #sick #twisted #vioolence

lay it on me" "I was trying to. Geez, woman, make up your mind," Fane hold her, eyes glowing. She threw one hand up to hold him off. "I meant your idea, fur ball, not your delectable body. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#fur-balls #funny

Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means... Justin, looking desperately at me: No? Nana: Are you sure? Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no. Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is... Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin. Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin? Pops: His name is Jason. Justin:Uh....uh.... Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving? Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear! Nana: Methinks he protests too much. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#drinking #funny #justin #zombieland #dating

Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#funny #jay #sweet-evil #funny

Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked. How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee? ↗

— John Green

#humor #paper #pee #towns #funny