#funny

Chase leaned in close. "hey" What? Are you wearing perfume? No... why would I be wearing perfume?... You sure you're not wearing anything? It smells like jasmine. Must be the bushes ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#funny

You don't like Blue, do you?" "No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject. "I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over. ↗

— Sarah Cross

#funny-and-random #kill-me-softly #mira #sarah-cross #change

I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Where the brave don't have the guts to question their immortal duty, cowards are rash about survival. ↗

— Bauvard

#cowardice #funny #humor #rashness #courage

I find that the middle finger is the universal signal of communication. I often use it to wave hello, point at someone, and convey my thoughts to deaf people. I used to use it to shake hands, but it kept getting broken. ↗

— Bauvard

#communicating #fingers #funny #gestures #hand-signals

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and he’s very pleased with the way America’s progressing, collectively, as a country.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

From: Christian Grey Subject: &*%$&*&* Date: August 23 2011 11:23 To: Anastasia Grey Believe me when I say there are a great many things he'd like to do to your ass right now. Firing you is not one of them. Christian Grey CEO & Ass man, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-grey #anastasia-steele #ass #assman

I wanted to puke, and from the intense paint stench that was assaulting my nasal passages. Sage wanted Gaberot, Not Tucker, not Joe, but Gabe. It was all too gross to contemplate. So of course my brain couldn't stop contemplating it. Sage and Gabe-rot sitting in the tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! We worked in silence for a few minutes while I fumed. How could she grill me about Gabe when she was already dating Mr.Perfect? If only Daniel were here to hear all of this instead of sitting back at SDH oblivious. "So are you and Gabe, like close?" Sage asked. Ugh! "Very close," I said, tilting my head to one side,"Incestuous,actually. He's a fabulous kisser. ↗

— Kieran Scott

#funny-as-hell #dating

It's delicious,’ he announces, chewing my sandwich. 'I would like to stay here forever and die with you in my arms.' 'I don't know. I think it's too cold for forever,' I say, smiling. ↗

— Joanna Mazurkiewicz

#date #funny #romantic #dating