#funny

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#funny

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself - but he lacked Will's tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#morally-deficant #sarcasm #funny

I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lovers #mermaid #pisces #funny

I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell. ↗

— Criss Jami

#funny-but-true #hell #humor #introversion #introvert

I'm sure I look like a drowned cat." "You look fine. The wet look works for you." I scowled. "Now I know you're lying. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#daemon #funny #katy #funny

Kat," Hale groaned, then fell back onto the pillows. "Funny, I didn't hear a doorbell." "I let myself in; hope that's okay." Hale smiled. "Or the alarm." She stepped inside, tossed a pocket-size bag of tools onto the bed. "You're due for an upgrade." Hale propped himself against the antique headboard and squinted up at her. "She returns." He crossed his arms across his bare chest. "You know, I could be naked in here. ↗

— Ally Carter

#ally-carter #bishop #carter #hale #heist

I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #planet #population #sexy

The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree. ↗

— Flannery O'Connor

#parkers-back #funny