#funny

When it comes to adding color to my face, I prefer lipstick. But no one ever lets me apply their lips, since I blush so much. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #kissing #lipstick #funny

I squinted one of my eyes at Daniel. “What are you doing?” he asked. “This is me, giving you the side eye.” I continued to squint. “Well, you look like you’re having a stroke ↗

— Hodkin Michelle

#the-look #the-unbecoming-of-mara-dyer #funny

I said alone!” He nodded in agreement. “Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It’s our way. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humour #love #paranormal-romance #romance #funny

Are you mad that he's here?" Marie whispered in my ear. I shook my head while I prepared two vodka tonics. "Well, you look mad." She laughed at me. "What's wrong?" "I'm allergic to whores," I said under my breath. ↗

— Tina Reber

#funny

Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#helping-hand #reaching-out #richelle #richelle-goodrich #funny

Like any good teacher, she tolerated little dissension. She smoked and talked and ate for an hour without stopping, and I scribbled in my notebook as the muddy waters of tangents and cosines began to clarify. But not everyone was so fortunate. As Alaska zipped through something obvious about linear equations, stoner/baller Hank Walsten said, "Wait, wait. I don't get it." "That's because you have eight functioning brain cells." "Studies show that marijuana is better for your health than those cigarettes," Hank said. Alaska swallowed a mouthful of french fries, took a drag on her cigarette, and blew smoke across the table at Hank. "I may die young," she said. "But at least I'll die smart. Now, back to tangents. ↗

— John Green

#funny

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.' 'And yet it is still extremely funny. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#sarcasm #funny

These boys need women who can take the heat without meltin’ like butter, and sometimes that heat is fiery. They need women who can give back their shit so they don’t walk all over ‘em and get bored out of their fucking skulls. And they need women who can go soft when the situation demands because they get hard knocks on a regular basis, sometimes literal y, and comin’ home to somethin’ soft is the only way to cope. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

And it was kind of funny to see all these professional fighters unwilling to get within a mile of the female. Then again, if you wanted to survive doing the work they did, accurate risk assessment was something you developed early -- and even Qhuinn, who was the object of the protective instinct the Chosen was rocking, wouldn't have dared touch her. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#j-r-ward #layla #lover-at-last #qhuinn #funny

Neighbors are the most indecent sort of folk around. Nothing but voyeurs and gossipers. As a community we would be much better off without them. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #gossiping #humor #neighbors #voyeurism