#funny

Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. “We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry —” “They won’t,” said Harry. “That you’re safe —” “That’ll just depress them.” “— and you’ll see them next summer.” “Do I have to? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny-quotes #remus-lupin #funny

The funny thing about destiny is that you can't predict it, and you can't prevent it. - Leslie ↗

— Kathy Love

#funny

I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone. ↗

— Stephen Wright

#humor #funny

I have alchemised my love for Agatha, and turned it into gold, which is the embodiment of Orafoura. I am the Elixir of Love--hot, cold, dry, and moist, I am the quintessential element: Jell-O. Agatha makes me yummy like John Wayne rides horse radish. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #random #funny

I wish my nose would blow me for once. ↗

— Brian Celio

#humor #funny

Put me down, I’m too heavy.” “You’re small enough to fit in my pocket. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #funny

I rubbed at my temple, where the zit was gone. It still hurt a little , though, deep under the skin. I hate those zits that burrow underground. You think they've vanished, but no, they just barricade themselves right next to the bone and hurt. ↗

— Lili St. Crow

#teens #zits #funny

I’m a union man. When I apply for employment I add ‘and wife’ to my personhood status so I can qualify for benefits, like sexual harassment. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

Myth: drawing from history to prime students for learning it after it’s too late. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#history #humor #myth #funny

Other cars resent me because I’m the best driver on the road, but I won’t have to put up with their honks much longer – soon my swing will be good enough for the golf course. ↗

— Bauvard

#golf #humor #road-rage #funny