#funny

Who's they?" He wanted to know. "Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?" "Every one of them," Yossarian told him. "Every one of whom?" "Every one of whom do you think?" "I haven't any idea." "Then how do you know they aren't?" "Because..." Clevinger sputtered, and turned speechless with frustration. Clevinger really thought he was right, but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons every time he flew up into the air to drop bombs on them, and it wasn't funny at all. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#murder #paranoia #funny

So what I do now is to pre-empt that by making the up into a virtue, and telling funny stories about how crap I am before people have a chance to notice it for themselves and think maybe I haven't realised. ↗

— Emily Mortimer

#am #before #chance #crap #funny

Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#hires #jon #jon stewart #only #people

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #shame #funny

I was going to pour a pile of garbage on some politicians, but I didn’t want to create a monument to stupidity. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #politics #funny

Who’s there?” “The scratcher of your itch,” he said. She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. “Was that supposed to be romantic? ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#romance #romantic-comedy #funny

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?” “What do you think?” “Then I’m not going to let you go. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #funny

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#funny #go #honesty #jokes #most

Fifteen minutes later, a meeting was called. "Okay, look." Deb's face was dead serious. "I know I just joined this project, and I don't want to offend anyone. But I'm going to be honest. I think you've been going about this all wrong." "I'm offended," Dave told her flatly. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#sarah-dessen #what-happened-to-goodbye #funny

It is possible in this world to be pretty and funny and successful all at the same time. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#possible #pretty #same #successful #time