#funny

Yeah, this is night Dudders. This is what we call it when it goes all dark like this! *Dudley goes bright red* I mean when you're in bed! Whatdya mean? Am I supposed to be scared of pillows or something? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #magic #funny

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#funny #humor #funny

If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder. ↗

— Bauvard

#erotomania #funny #love #narcissism #funny

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #boundaries #cartographer #funny #humor

You will not pass!” Roman thundered. Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #gandalf #gunmetal-magic #ilona-andrews #lotr

I didn’t know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

The silence protrudes like an engorged stomach, while I ponder the thought of trying to sit on my own lap. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #ponder #surreal #thought

In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#modern-times #nonsensical #funny

Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

I look like a biker slut from hell meets soldier of fortune pinup. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #funny