#funny

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ↗

— Albert Einstein

#funny

you have to be the prude or the slut, and if you pick one, other people hate you for it, and you can’t trust anyone anymore, because they’re all after the same thing, and you see that you can never go back to how was before… ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#it-s-kind-of-a-funny-story #judgement #teenagers #truth #funny

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here. ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#home #life #funny

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! ↗

— Hergé

#funny #tintin #funny

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. ↗

— Lawrence Ferlinghetti

#cynical #funny #humour #funny

Right. So no plans at all then?" Jenna frowned. "Other than rocking in the fetal position for a while?" "Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry," Archer offered. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #funny #hex-hall #ideas #jenna

If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#logical #mother #ranger #writers #funny

I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #graveyard-shift #funny

You're very welcome," she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now." "And yet I'm not." "Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you. ↗

— Leigh Bardugo

#funny

I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#pound-cake #weight-gain #funny