#funny

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#funny

La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la! ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #perfect-chemistry #rules-of-attraction #simone-elkeles

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#funny #gaga #germanotta #hilarious #interview

She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride. ↗

— Gayle Forman

#funny #if-i-stay #funny

Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?' 'No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny #muggles #funny

I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #shoes #write #writing-a-book #funny

Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#politician #politics #promises #funny

Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

A banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one in return. ↗