#funny

I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I’m okay in that respect.” “Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals. ↗

— J.A. Konrath

#genitalia #guns #funny

Well, just get used to it, because you're a long ways away from Kansas, my dear. She actually started singing "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" as she traipsed to the counter. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny

America is still AmeriKKKa. rather we like it or not ↗

— Fee Scott

#reality-check #true #funny

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

It's funny when people say something is "unreal" about something that is, in reality, real. I'm so guilty of it, it's real! ↗

— Ethan Luck

#real #slang #unreal #funny

I once snorted a moth. Unintentionally, of course. It’s not like I was trying to get high. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Dammit. I think I’m in like with the naked man I met today. ↗

— R.J. Gonzales

#like #love #romance #funny

You there, you look like a well-rounded lady, oh yes, and I mean well-rounded ↗

— TBBishiXO

#funny

Pantheism and Utopia meet in the camping trailer, where they are offered hot herbal tea and asked after the names on their birth certificates. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #random #society #funny

We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won't pull over. He slams the horn. "Arthur," I say. The car doesn't yield. "Arthur," I say. He hits the horn again, still close on the car's bummper. "Arthur, our turn was back there. ↗

— Peter Canning

#ems #funny #humor #medical #funny