#funny

When trees are blocking your horizon, build a balcony. The sunset will be breathtaking, but not as literally as the stumps. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #trees #funny

Then I say, "Let's go and brush our teeth." So Lola says, "But Charlie, I can't brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth." "But who would use your toothbrush?" I ask. Lola says "I think that lion. I saw a lion with my toothbrush and now he's brushing his teeth with it." "But it isn't this your toothbrush Lola?" "Oh," says Lola, "he must be using yours. ↗

— Lauren Child

#funny #humor #funny

Who-who are you?" Seth asked, hesitantly."Wh-what do you want?" How else was was I supposed to reply? The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.I mean, I'd only seen the movie like seventeen times. "I'm Luke Skywalker," I said. "I'm here to rescue you. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#jess #meg-cabot #movie-reference #funny

I remember the first time I fogged up your astronaut’s helmet. That night we made space like outer love. But I kept it cool like Coors Light in the fridge, even though I felt heavy and cramped in your chilled kitchen appliance. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #random #funny

I was always loud and obnoxious and giggly and funny. ↗

— Krysten Ritter

#funny #i #loud #obnoxious

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#baby #bath #i #knew #radio

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#bend #diamonds #floor #god #over

Never floss with a stranger. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#floss #never #stranger

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#because #funny #lucky #lucky ones #old

The commentary track became a lot like the movie and there are some funny, long, awkward pauses that you can tell we're just trying to find stuff to say. None of us had gotten to really talk about the movie until that moment and they were in New York and we were in L.A. ↗

— Jay Roach

#awkward #became #commentary #find #funny