#hilarious

Fucking nightmares. My heart starts to slow down. Glancing down at the floor, I see Tybalt, who is glaring at me with a puffed-up tail. I wonder if he had been sleeping on my chest and I catapulted him off when I woke up. I don't remember, but I wish that I did, because it would've been hilarious. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#ghosts #nightmares #sleeping #hilarious

Michael, don’t,” Eve said. “He won’t hurt us.” Andeveryone rolled their eyes at that. Even Jason, which was borderline hilarious. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#hilarious

...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line! ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #hilarious

In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons. ↗

— Will Smith

#across #appreciated #black #board #comedy

Tommy Lee Jones is hilarious. I would say, if you look at the body of his work, the character he is most like is the one in 'The Fugitive.' That's how he talks and jokes. That is the type of energy he has. ↗

— Will Smith

#character #energy #fugitive #hilarious #his

We were the guys on the other side. It was hilarious. ↗

— David Steinberg

#hilarious #other #side #were

No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose all sense." Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. "Want to know a secret?" "Sure." "It's not the bathtub, baby." Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it. "What are you looking for?" "A pea Your Majesty." "What?" "You heard me." I jumped back as he lunged and his fingers missed me by an inch. "Getting slow in your old age." "I thought you liked it slow." A flashback to last night mugged me and my mind executed a full stop. He laughed. "Ran out of snappy comebacks?" "Hush. I'm trying to think of one. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#hilarious #ilona-andrews #kate #magic #age

Terrorism is just a whole other level of anger management issues. ↗

— Thisuri Wanniarachchi

#hilarious #humor #terrorism #anger

Merlin seeks assistance from Pigwiggen, the only one of Arthur's knights who is also a fairy, and they unite their enchantments to move the British Court to Turkestan. Lively end to Act One. ↗

— Davies Robertson

#gibberish #hilarious #humanities #lyre-of-orpheus #art

His father had always said, Son, the most important thing in life is to make a contribution. Who would have thought Kittridge’s contribution would be video-blogging from the front lines of the apocalypse? ↗

— Justin Cronin

#incongruous #life