#hilarious

Bombs Away!" he yelled, swooping low over StregaSchloss. He saw little figures on the ground fleeing from the large green projectile that was speeding their way. "And a direct hit, if I'm not mistaken," he observed to himself. With a tremendous slapping sound, Ffup's digestive overload landed on a human target. There was a scream, a ghastly choking sound, and then silence. ↗

— Debi Gliori

#gross #hilarious #humor #funny

I had to make water ” I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it. “I see ” the Inspector said and left it at that. Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#hilarious #lol #lol

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#lol #sarcasm-humor #humor

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essays #funny #hilarious #humor

Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough ↗

— Tara Sivec

#seduction

Will you show me what you really look like? You don't sparkle, do you? ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#hilarious #katy #sparkly #hilarious

You’d throw yourself in front of a bus for me.” She would and he knew it.He knew it and she knew that he felt that knowledge burrow deep and he liked it. Elle felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes, her body melted into his,her arms tightened around him and she whispered back, “Yes,Pren,though I hope I never get the chance. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hilarious #love #love

She was going to go to her room,munch on chocolate,then collapse into bed. And if her upstairs neighbors decided to talk about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved,she'd go up there and give them somthing to really bloody cry about. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#depress #hilarious #hot #sex #love

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said. ↗

— Dave Matthes

#bastard #booze #comedy #conditioner #crack

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#funny #gets #hilarious #hurt #just