#hum

I always thought that it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave', said Simon. No wonder I've been so confused all my life. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon-lewis #humor

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'. ↗

— Gary Larson

#food

He'd never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was that boredom tended to explode in your face. Just when he thought he'd found it he'd be suddenly involved in what he supposed other people - thoughtless, feckless people - would call an adventure. And he'd be forced to visit many strange lands and meet exotic and colourful people, although not for very long because usually he'd be running. He'd seen the creation of the universe, although not from a good seat, and had visited Hell and the afterlife. He'd been captured, imprisoned, rescued, lost and marooned. Sometimes it had all happened on the same day. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humorous #humor

حين يقوم أفراد مجتمع بتحقيق مصالحهم بعيداً عن مبادئهم فإن الثمن الذي يدفعونه هو انحطاط أخلاقهم. ↗

— عبد الكريم بكار

#life-and-living #المجتمع #life

Witty sayings don’t grow on bumpers the way babies do. I was raised by a single rush hour.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby #bumper-stickers #cars #family #funny

Somewhere in the cosmos, he said, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, fishoids, walking treeoids and superintelligent shades of the color blue, there was also a planet entirely given over to ballpoint life forms. And it was to this planet that unattended ballpoints would make their way, slipping away quietly through wormholes in space to a world where they knew they could enjoy a uniquely ballpointoid lifestyle, responding to highly ballpoint-oriented stimuli, and generally leading the ballpoint equivalent of the good life. And as theories go this was all very fine and pleasant until Veet Voojagig suddenly claimed to have found this planet, and to have worked there for a while driving a limousine for a family of cheap green retractables, whereupon he was aken away, locked up, wrote a book and was finally sent into tax exile, which is the usual fate reserved for those who are determined to make fools of themselves in public. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#biro #hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy #hitchiker #humor #pens

You are pregnant, with child, in the family way. People, some of whom you hardly know, will begin to comment on your belly size. They might even give it a rub, like you have strapped an animal of some kind in your front side and given total strangers permission to pet you at their leisure. ↗

— Amy E. Spiegel

#pregnancy-humor #pregnant #family

Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#snoopy #humor

If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the relgion and avoid the people, you might better stay home. ↗

— James A. Michener

#travel #food

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#humor #survival #wit #food