#humor

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #on-writing #wit #writing #humor

And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil. ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#women #humor

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#colfer #colony #demons #eoin #fowl

His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#threats #humor

A cavalryman's horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this. ↗

— Steven Pressfield

#horse #humor #humor

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

It was strange and amusing...and, honestly, a bit embarrassing...to realize how much being near Bella had softened me. It seemed like no one was afraid of me any more. If Emmett found out about this, he would be laughing for the next century. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#humor #religion #vampires #humor

Bones didn’t share any of my qualms about suddenly holding an arm that wasn’t attached to a body anymore. He just grabbed the ghoul by his other arm and began thumping him over the head with the loose limb. I’d heard Bones threaten to beat someone with their own limb before, but I’d always assumed that was a figure of speech. Apparently not. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humorous #humor

You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket? ↗

— Ally Carter

#humor #macey-mchenry #zach-goode #humor