#humor

It was not that he was feckless, more that he had simply not been around the day they handed out feck. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humorous #wordplay #humor

From where I’m sitting, I AM the centre of the Universe! ↗

— Sebastyne Young

#narcissism #self-centered #humor

I'm staying," Henry said, annoyed. "Why?" "Because, if I leave, it would be like abandoning two mentally challenged people in a nuclear waste dump. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind ↗

— Scott Lynch

#humor

He has artistry," he repeated. "Because that's what it takes to blow things up. And cook his arm. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor #tamora-pierce #humor

seaweed brain ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. ↗

— Robert Orben

#humor

It'd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it's totally obvious to everyone that I did it. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#fame #humor #kaling #mindy #murder

You lying lunatic bastard. They're going to kill you." "I love you too," he murmured. "Go find Seph. ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#humor #jason #madison #humor

I just want you to know,' said the girl, coldly, 'that whoever you are and whatever you intend with me, I shall give you no aid of any kind, nor shall I assist you, and I shall do whatever is in my power to frustrate your plans and devices.' And then she added, with feeling, 'Idiot. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#the-star #humor