#humor

Children should have a balanced diet. They should only consume sugar, salt, and fat in equal quantities. ↗

— Bauvard

#diet #funny #humor #diet

Chances are, if we can't laugh at something, we can't think rationally about it. ↗

— Clay A. Johnson

#observational #diet

Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#diet

Tyson dropped the two warriors he was about to tie into a knot and jogged after us. He jumped on the centaur's back. 'Dude!' the centaur groaned, almost buckling under Tyson's weight. 'Do the words "low-carb diet" mean anything to you? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#diet #humorous #tyson #diet

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#communication #converse #dialogue #funny #humor

If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor. ↗

— Kate Beckinsale

#develop #ever #humor #i #might

One of my pet peeves is that sometimes the talents of my band get overlooked because, and it was the same problem that Frank Zappa had, with a lot of groups that use humor, people don't realize there's a lot of craft behind the comedy. ↗

— Al Yankovic

#because #behind #comedy #craft #frank

Dieting was cruel; it was an abuse of human rights. Yes, that's what it was, and she should not allow herself to be manipulated in this way. She stopped herself. Thinking like that was nothing more than coming up with excuses for breaking the diet. Mma Ramotswe was made of sterner stuff than that, and so she persisted. ↗

— Alexander McCall Smith

#human-rights #humor #persisting #diet

The Shrink always warned me that carriers stay wracked with lifelong guilt. It's not an uplifting thing having turned lovers into monsters. We feel bad that we haven't turned into monsters ourselves--survivor's guilt, that's called. And we feel a bit stupid that we didn't notice our own symptoms earlier. I mean, I'd been sort of wondering why the Atkins diet was giving me night vision. But that hadn't seemed like something to worry about... ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#funny #guilt #humor #ombies #parasites

I don't think my sense of humor has changed at all; I was born with this, for better or for worse. ↗

— Ivan Reitman

#born #changed #humor #i #i was born