#humor

She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet. ↗

— Jefferson Smith

#body-image #bones #dieting #fantasy #feet

I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Middle school is kind of like Middle-earth. It’s a magical journey filled with elves, dwarves, hobbits, queens, kings, and a few corrupt wizards. Word to the wise: pick your traveling companions well. Ones with the courage and moral fiber to persevere. Ones who wield their lip gloss like magic wands when confronted with danger. This way, when you pass through the congested hallways rife with pernicious diversion, you achieve your desired destination—or at least your next class. -CeCee, Lucy and CeCee's How to Survive (and Thrive) in Middle School ↗

— Kimberly Dana

#girls #humor #middle-school #tweens #courage

I'm going on a diet.  (Crud, I know) I am going to be cranky.  I am going to be irritable. I am going to be moody and sad and mean.  And, yes, I am going to be hungry.  Please don't feed me, even if I try to bite you.  Please don't tease me, I may hurt you. Please don't try to encourage me, I may growl and snap at you.  Please don't help me, I may blame you for everything aggravating in the known universe.   Please don't be offended by my scowl, I cannot smile.   But most importantly, please keep your distance until this trial is over to prevent any unnecessary casualties.  Thank you for your understanding.  ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#food #humor #richelle #richelle-goodrich #weight-loss

Children should have a balanced diet. They should only consume sugar, salt, and fat in equal quantities. ↗

— Bauvard

#diet #funny #humor #diet

Chances are, if we can't laugh at something, we can't think rationally about it. ↗

— Clay A. Johnson

#observational #diet

Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#diet

Tyson dropped the two warriors he was about to tie into a knot and jogged after us. He jumped on the centaur's back. 'Dude!' the centaur groaned, almost buckling under Tyson's weight. 'Do the words "low-carb diet" mean anything to you? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#diet #humorous #tyson #diet

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#communication #converse #dialogue #funny #humor

If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor. ↗

— Kate Beckinsale

#develop #ever #humor #i #might