#humor

My mother is convinced that yellow is a happy color and that a happy girl would get a husband. -Penelope Featherington ↗

— Julia Quinn

#julia-quinn #marriage #humor

I froze, shocked. (And don't try to clam that you did anything different the first time a government bureaucrat pulled a gun on you.) ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #humor

There aren't any syringes." Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it form him, he kept a grip on the thing. "I know you'll use this wisely." "Wisely?" She snapped the syringe out of his hand. "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #medical #paranormal #romance #vampires

You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humor #red-hair #redheads #humor

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork. ↗

— Peter De Vries

#writing #humor

I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors." Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed. "Why don't you just tell me who wins?" Edward said wryly. Alice beamed. "I do. Excellent. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#edward #furture-telling #humor #humor

Shigure: "That's lovely. She’s so... how shall I say it? By putting it into words I'm afraid the nobility of it all would only be obscured." Yuki: "Of what?" Shigure: "You know, she's so spunky!" Kyo: "You sick bastard! ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor #kyo #manga #natsuki-takaya #shigure

Want to talk about Shakespeare's sonnets?" asked Orphu of Io. Are you shitting me?" The moravecs loved the ancient human colloquial phrases, the more scatological the better. Yes," said Orphu. "I am most definitely shitting you, my friend. ↗

— Dan Simmons

#humor

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. ↗

— Irina Dunn

#non-sequitur #sarcasm #women #humor

Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with those big, comfy granny panties she’s got on. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#funny