#humor

Doona worry, I’ll take care of you.” He grasped her hand in his. “You’re going to be all right.” Chloe’s gaze drifted to Loa. “That a snake?” Loa said, “She keeps death away.” Chloe blinked those big eyes up at him and whispered, “Wish that was the weirdest thing . . . I’ve heard tonight. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#death

I’ll kill you with kindness. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll kill you with something deadlier, like a karate chop.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #humor #karate #kill

If you Have ever Fainted, You Are a stranger in the land of the dead! ↗

— Antoni Omeihe

#humor #stranger #death

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-but-true #funny-quotes #humor #humorous #diet

She, too, is one of Regin’s friends. They’re poker buddies, sisters of the Wii, and Mari is a vaunted member of the karaoke contingent. Regin has long acted as the witches’ designated driver.” “BFF?” Lachlain asked, brows drawn. “Sisters of the what?” Emma supplied, “Best friend forever and a video game.” Lachlain muttered to Emma, “Your relatives are just no’ right. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#design

America has designated football as the international sport, but the rest of the world continues to apply the metric system inconsistently. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #metric-system #sports #design

The sidesaddle was designed to protect a maiden's virginity, while risking the maiden's neck. Rather much for rather little, I thought. ↗

— Sheri S. Tepper

#beauty

I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#designer #down-to-earth #earth #fashion #funny

By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer's icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it. ↗

— Peter Kreeft

#apple #apple-computer-inc #bible #catholicism #christianity

This world, I am afraid, is designed for crashing bores. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #design