#humor

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about these things. What (women) like is to be a man’s last romance. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

Dear Edmond, While you were sleeping this afternoon, I was busy hustling around town. You see, when I woke up early this morning to clean the apartment for the party tonight, I noticed that all your furniture was missing. And by all, I do mean everything. So I raced around town trying to replace all your pieces. Fortunately, I did manage to pick up some new furniture. It looks exactly like your old furniture, only you're still missing the armoire that your grandmother left you in her will. But the great thing is they have one that looks exactly like your grandmother's armoire at the pawn shop just up the road. But there was some random good news today. In the cushions of the new sofa, the one that looks exactly like your old sofa, I found about $500 dollars. So I took the liberty of loading up the liquor cabinet and buying a keg. But I don't want you to be depressed about your armoire, or worry about paying me back for buying you all new furniture. Just promise me you'll have a good time at the party. And since I know that you are disappointed about having to pick up another armoire at the pawn shop, I won't even make you go half with me on the booze. I wouldn't dream of it. Friends help friends out when they are in need, right? I couldn't possibly accept $250 dollars from you. But I know how you are. You won't accept any gifts, right? You're so freaking stubborn. Well, if you really want to pay me back, you can slip the money in an envelope under my door after the party tonight. We're going to have a crazy night tonight! So cheer up, buddy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#comical #funny #humor #party #ridiculous

Royce's eyes narrowed in discouragement at the thoght of having to sing to jenny. his deep bariton voice would surely bring every hound for miles to yap and nip at his heels. ↗

— Judith McNaught

#dreams

If the girl of my dreams want a man with a hairless chest, I better dream of another girl ↗

— Haresh Daswani

#dreams

I'm growing fonder of my staff; I'm growing dimmer in my eyes; I'm growing fainter in my laugh; I'm growing deeper in my sighs; I'm growing careless of my dress; I'm growing frugal of my gold; I'm growing wise; I'm growing--yes,-- I'm growing old. ↗

— John Godfrey Saxe

#growing-old #humor #old-age #age

There is no animal more invincible than a woman, ↗

— Loretta Chase

#inspirational #truth #inspirational

On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth was still flat, and people dreamed often of falling over edges. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#inspirational #sleep #thought-provoking #writing #dreams

Orphans? Would you really? Adopt children?" "There are advantages. If they turn out badly, we can blame their natural parents. We can also choose our own assortment of ages and genders. We can even get them ready-grown, if we wish. ↗

— Loretta Chase

#humor #ismal #leila #love #orphan

Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear ↗

— Annabel Monaghan

#dreams

My fellow, you strike me at present as being situated in the moon, kingdom of dream, province of illusion, capital: Soap-Bubble. ↗

— Victor Hugo

#dreams