#humor

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #ideas #random #funny

You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed. "Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass. "Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humour #humor

Amy, Dan, and Nellie were sitting at a table in a conference room, examining reproductions of Franklin documents-some so rare, the librarians told her, the only copies existed in Paris. "Yeah, here's a rare grocery list," Dan muttered. "Wow. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#cahill #humor #rare #sarcasm #humor

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god). ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#religion #humor

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. ↗

— H.L. Mencken

#definitions #ethics #humor #humor

I’m sorry, the message said. The theft was a violation of privacy. It was an unbelievable act of impudence and disrespect. Not only that, it was—baffling. He was murderous, incandescent with fury. He was older than sin and could not remember when he had last been in such a rage. He looked at the paper again. I’m sorry I had to take your penny. Here’s another to replace it. Yep, that’s what it said. One corner of his mouth twitched. He gave himself a deep shock when he burst into an explosive guffaw. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#romance #humor

Silver knives! Painful and sometimes deadly to all paranormals!' 'Tasey!' I counterd 'Hot pink and sparkly! ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #humor

His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor #politics #humor

Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health. ↗

— Edgar Allan Poe

#satire #humor

I have never heard a lady say 'arse,'" the emperor said mildly. "I haven't been a lady for long," I reminded him. A little demon–made of exhaustion and the emperors smile– pushed me into adding,"For five years I've been saying 'arse.' It's hard to stop saying 'arse' after that many years. I suppose I should stop saying 'arse,' since ladies don't say-" "'Arse'," he finished for me. I met his grin. ~Page 104, Eona: the Last Dragoneye, Alison Goodman ↗

— Alison Goodman

#humor #mirror #humor