#humor

I have no desire to be dominated. Honestly I don't. And yet I find myself becoming angry when I'm not. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humor

Claire watched as Shane hunted around and came up with a small crowbar, which he used to lever open the seals on the top of the barrel. The top was hinged in the middle, Claire realized, and he flipped that part over. "Score," he said, and raised the crowbar in triumph. "Who's your daddy?" Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. "Excuse me?" "Figure of speech," Claire said hastily. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor

Men are like dogs," Stacy was fond of saying. And she usually went on to add that, like dogs, they all took up too much space on the bed, and they always went for the crotch. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #men #smooth-talking-stranger #humor

If Slater were someone else, Kevin would merely be the poor victim of a horrible plot. Unless he was killed by Slater, in which case he would be the dead victim of a horrible plot ↗

— Ted Dekker

#humor #humor

If we happened to be in rehearsal downstairs in my room and a neighbor padded across the lawn to rap gently on the window and ask us to please be more quiet, Natalie might simply lift up her skirt and mash her vagina against the window while extending her middle finger. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor #hysterical #vagina #humor

If you have been, I'm glad you've stopped. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#humor

Lovers do things together! They rent videos, they ride Ferris wheels, they go out for pizza, they play Scrabble. They . . . they talk!' 'Talk?' He lifted his head and frowned, his eyes puzzled. 'We talk all the time, Raine. I've never had such talkative sex.' 'That's just it!' She wiggled, flailed, but couldn't budge him. 'Two minutes alone with you, and I'm flat on my back. Every single time!' A slow, knowing grin spread over his face. 'Is this your way of telling me you want to be on top? ↗

— Shannon McKenna

#humor #relationships #sex #funny

I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue. ↗

— Quentin Tarantino

#inspiration #jail #prison #humor

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#humor #humor

Hippo in a skirt: this was a comic reference to one of Solomon's principal wives, the one from Moab. Childish? Yes. But in the days before printing we had limited opportunities for satire. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #humor