#humor

You can't control your feelings but you can control the actions that come with those feelings. ↗

— Craig Mercier

#inspirational

When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash," he said. "They were disgusting." Ginny always thought that the only way of getting clothes clean was by drowning them in scalding water and then whipping them around in a violent centrifugal motion that caused the entire washing machine to vibrate and the floor to shake. You beat them clean. You made them suffer. This machine used about half a cup of water and was about as violent as a toaster, plus it stopped every few minutes, as if it were exhausted from the effort of turning itself. Sluff, sluff, sluff sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest. Click. Sluff, sluff, sluff, sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest. "Who thought to put a window on a washing machine?" Keith asked. "Does anyone just sit and watch their wash?" You mean, besides us?" "Well," he said, "yeah. Is there any coffee? ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#ginny #humor #humour #keith #funny

What the hell do you want from me?” “Spontaneous combustion. ↗

— Poppet

#paranormal-urban-fantasy-romance #urban-fantasy

Hamilton found it difficult to concentrate on what Eliza was saying. Her lips were moving rapidly, but he couldn't actually decipher what the words coming out of her mouth were. It was such a lovely mouth, and he found it quite quirky, given the fact that it could assume different positions with alarming frequency. Like now, it was pursed in a most attractive manner, and now... it was moving again as if the lady could not get the words out fast enough. His gaze traveled upward, past the eyes that were flashing and settled on her hair. He couldn't help but appreciate the efforts of Mabel. The curls she'd been able to produce on Eliza's head, well, they were tantalizing. He had the strangest urge to reach out and touch them, to feel with his own hand if they were as soft as they appeared, something he'd been contemplating ever since he got a good look at her in the dining room. He pulled abruptly back to reality when Eliza poked him in the chest. ↗

— Jen Turano

#romance #change

I had a dream about you. We were babysitting for a family of mannequins, and we were arguing over what to feed them. You wanted to feed them organic food, but I said, “Why waste real food on fake people?” In the end you agreed, and we served them a genetically modified dinner.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Nothing's really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I'll be hopelessly outnumbered. ↗

— Eilis O'Neal

#humor #love #marriage #change

How do you feel?” she asked, trying to fluff his pillow. “Other than terrible, I mean.” He moved his head slightly to the side. It seemed to be a sickly interpretation of a shrug. “Of course you’re feeling terrible,” she clarified, “but is there any change? More terrible? Less terrible?” He made no response. “The same amount of terrible? ↗

— Julia Quinn

#romance #sick #change

I hate the notion of a secret recipe. Recipes are by nature derivative and meant to be shared - that is how they improve, are changed, how new ideas are formed. To stop a recipe in it's tracks, to label it "secret" just seems mean. ↗

— Molly Wizenberg

#humor #recipes #change

When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake." Florence Ditlow, in "The Bakery Girls. ↗

— Florence Ditlow

#food #humor #womwens-history #wwll #food

I had a dream about you. You were crying, and I couldn’t tell if it was because you were sad or because you’d been laughing too hard. So I decided to find out by telling you that I’d just heard from the cops, and your mother had been murdered. Before I got to the punch line you started sobbing in a different manner, so I realized you’d been laughing earlier. By that time the mood had changed, and I decided it best not to deliver the punch line after all. So I sat down next to you and put my arm around you and tried to console you for your perceived loss. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships