#humor

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough. ↗

— George Carlin

#beauty

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#funny #humor #lemons #life #funny

The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #sex-life #funny

I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ego #floor #funny #humor #need

The heart has a heart of its own. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #love #lyrics #music #humor

what would you call this haircut?" arthur. ↗

— George Harrison

#hard-days-night #humor #laugh #funny

Blasted spam pigeons! ↗

— Kate Beaton

#humour #pigeons #spam #humor

I see uncool people! ↗

— Tonya Hurley

#funny #humor-relationships #love #funny

You should have seen the look on your skull... ↗

— Rich Burlew

#humor

Case fuckin closed. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor