#humor

Darlin’, the last time I walked into a mall was two presidents ago.” I stared at him in shock. Then I asked, “Is that even possible?” “I got a dick and I was single so, yeah, it’s possible. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#men #dreams

I don't understand it. Why me?" "Is there ever an answer to that question when men are involved?" -Candace and Fallon, Chapter 12 ↗

— Roz Lee

#men

Somewhere near the Alamo, a bugle brayed: either that or McCulloch’s men had found some reason to torture a poor, defenseless donkey. ↗

— Harry Turtledove

#humor #men

Llarimar had told him to do his best. That sounded like an awful lot of work. Unfortunately, doing nothing was beginning to seem like even MORE work. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #work #attitude

I am the Hooray Distributor. Hold your hands flat, not like begging for money, but as if you’re about to applaud. Now clap, damn you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applause #beg #begging #clap #clapping

She's wacko. I should have known she was wacko from the beginning. She had a thing about spies. Was always watching those stupid Bond movies. I'd be banging her from behind, and she'd be watching James Bond on the television. Can you believe it?" ~(Written during Pierce Brosnan's 007 days so, yeah, I CAN believe it!) "Four To Score ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#movies

Be confident to inspire confidence in others. Then try to come to a decision about something. ↗

— Bauvard

#decisions #funny #humor #funny

Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too. ↗

— Jimmy Buffett

#comes #creativity #follows #go #humor

Duende I can't remember her name. It's not as though I've been in bed with that many women. The truth is I can't even remember her face. I kind of know how strong her thighs were, and her beauty. But what I won't forget is the way she tore open the barbecued chicken with her hands, and wiped the grease on her breasts. ↗

— Jack Gilbert

#mystical #sex #beauty

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. ↗

— Robert Frost

#engaging #humor #most