#humor

I'm from southern Arelon, Princess," Ahan said, reaching for some more clams. "To us, round is beautiful. Not everyone wants their women to look like starving schoolboys. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#beauty

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#goals-in-life #humor #inspirational #wish #funny

I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead #fish #funny #humor #prostitutes

I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, "At least he's not a complete boob. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#boob #costume #funny #humor #idiot

If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ask #fact #factor #fall-in-love #funny

Are you a female dog?" "What?" Massie asked. "Why?" "Because you are acting like a real bitch! ↗

— Lisi Harrison

#clique #comebacks #dog #female #fun

My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#books #cool #culture #desire #emotion

It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#appearances #clueless #fear #fearless #funny

Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I've longed-- ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #funny #hex-hall #humor #mercer

I guess it's true what they say. There are no straight men in the trenches." ~Jace ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #funny #humor #jace-wayland #misquoted