#humor

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating #funny #humor #one-liner #ridiculous

I like pink." Lucius sniffed. "It's just red's sorry, weak cousin. ↗

— Beth Fantaskey

#pink #dating

Fortunately, among werewolf women, the word "bitch" is not offensive. I was having a lot of fun with that. "Hey there, bitches!" I called as I came through the door. "What are my favorite bitches up to today? ↗

— Molly Harper

#bitches #humor #vampires #werewolf #werewolves

First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here. ↗

— Julie James

#mike-davis #dating

Trust everybody, but always cut the cards. ↗

— Finley Peter Dunne

#humor

It smells terrible in here.' Well, what do you expect? The human body, when confined, produces certain odors which we tend to forget in this age of deodorants and other perversions. Actually, I find the atmosphere of this room rather comforting. Schiller needed the scent of apples rotting in his desk in order to write. I, too, have my needs. You may remember that Mark Twain preferred to lie supinely in bed while composing those rather dated and boring efforts which contemporary scholars try to prove meaningful. Veneration of Mark Twain is one of the roots of our current intellectual stalemate. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#humour #odors #smells #stink #writing

They (penguins) then fall madly in love and live happily ever after. - And so you ask yourself: "If a penguin can have a worthwhile, stimulating relationship, why the hell can't I?" - Or maybe you ask yourself: "Would I be happier if I started dating a penguin ↗

— Bradley Trevor Greive

#relationships #dating

Psychotics, say what you want about them, tend to make the first move. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#humor #dating

Junction nineteen! Una, she came off at Junction nineteen! You've added an hour to your journey before you even started. Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?" Oh GOD. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to THEM and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?" Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-it-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, "Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo," than, "Super, thanks. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor #dating

the chocolate raisins tasted somewhat fishy, but Lucy didn't care-chocolate was chocolate. She changed her mind however, when she realized that the raisins were tiny fish heads. ↗

— Angie Sage

#change