#humor

French Louis Seymour of the West Canada Creek, who knew how to survive all alone in a treacherous wilderness, and Mr. Alfred G. Vanderbilt of New York City and Raquette Lake, who was richer than God and traveled in his very own Pullman car, and Emmie Hubbard of the Uncas Road, who painted the most beautiful pictures when she was drunk and burned them in her woodstove when she was sober, were all ten times more interesting to me than Milton's devil or Austen's boy-crazy girls or that twitchy fool of Poe's who couldn't think of any place better to bury a body than under his own... floor. ↗

— Jennifer Donnelly

#humor #life #beauty

Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet." "You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed. He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals." I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared. "Oh, very funny!" I yelled. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#romance #funny

A poem for Beth: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I didn’t know what love meant, until I looked it up in the dictionary.

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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #poem #poet #poetry

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#because #funny #future #god #hope

I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ambitious #delusional #funny #hard-work #humor

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #peace #funny

I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#dancing #funny #greed #greedy #humor

Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!).
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— Jarod Kintz

#garden #humor #romance #romantic #roses

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #funny

Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#funny