#humor

I'm fresh out of fucks to give. ↗

— Tucker Max

#rejection #sex #humor

I'd never been a good damsel in distress. I was a "hands-on" damsel. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#humor #strength #strong #woman #women

How do I define history? It's just one fucking thing after another" - Rudge ↗

— Alan Bennett

#humor #humor

Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes. ↗

— John Flanagan

#jokes #ranger-s-apprentice #humor

I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #humor

You thought I was a werewolf?" Dervish asks. "Yes" I answer hollowly. "You ass. ↗

— Darren Shan

#humor

Are you going to tame our little Sissy, Mitchell? Sissy rubbed her face, annoyed, and Mitch answered honestly, "I'm really too lazy to try and tame anybody. If I had my way, I'd spend all day sleeping under a tree, maybe rolling out occasionally to sun my belly, and then I expect someone to bring me food. I could live like that forever! ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #sissy #food

It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.'" "That's great," Lana said. "Invincible. I can't be vinced." "That's not even a word," Lana said. "Go ahead: try to vince me," Sanjit said. ↗

— Michael Grant

#humor #michael-grant #plague #words #humor

Victor patted my hand. 'I like you, Sky. You're a fighter.' 'I am, aren't I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I'm a Rottweiler -with a temper.' 'A very small Rottweiler,' said Zed, still not convinced. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#make-a-point #sky #zed #humor

Never do anything that you don’t want to have to explain to 9-1-1 personnel. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor