#humor

Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run. No! If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers. ↗

— Moira Young

#funny #humor #moira-young #rule #funny

Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny. ↗

— Bruce Springsteen

#funny

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. ↗

— Irvin S. Cobb

#head #merely #pants #standing #torn

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #genitals #hilarious #humor #naughty

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health." - City of Bones (said by Jace Wayland) ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #entertainment #funny #humor #jace-wayland

Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?" "Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it." "Kissed a couple of times," Percy said. Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #humor #kissing #lol #oh-my-god-percy

And if you dont come back from the dorm, I'm the one who has to explain to Micheal how I let you go off and get yourself killed like a Dumbass. First rule in horror movies, Clair-Never split up! ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#humor #inspirational #funny

I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cup #funny #humor #investment #life