#humor

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous? ↗

— Steve Aylett

#dark #humor #equality

Ignorance: that blind faculty equally ready to believe and fear the same thing when augmented by knowledge. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #ignorance #knowledge #equality

Mrs. Cole was a good democrat. She hated all kids equally. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor #it #stephen-king #equality

A Dutch parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate, telling his children, 'Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #santa-claus #family

When I started writing this, I found that I simply couldn't take fantasy seriously, so it became humorous, and continued from there. ↗

— Piers Anthony

#continued #fantasy #found #humorous #i

...I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you're a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin' reason why Santa Claus is more popular than Jesus nowadays. ↗

— Matthew Quick

#religion #religion

I mean, shit, what Latino family doesn't think it's cursed? ↗

— Junot Díaz

#family

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes. ↗

— George Carlin

#logic #religion #science #experience

I say the same thing about the death of James Wait. "Oh, well -- he wasn't going to write the Beethoven's Ninth Symphony anyway. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #death

So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?” Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. “What did he say?” She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. “He wanted to join us in our bed.” “I’ll run him through.” “No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you.” “It was an insult to you, love. That can’t be ignored.” “And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don’t care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won’t have you risking your life. ↗

— Sharon Page

#humor #insult #death