#humor

Men They hail you as their morning star Because you are the way you are. If you return the sentiment, They'll try to make you different; And once they have you, safe and sound, They want to change you all around. Your moods and ways they put a curse on; They'd make of you another person. They cannot let you go your gait; They influence and educate. They'd alter all that they admired. They make me sick, they make me tired. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #men #poetry #change

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. ↗

— John Kenneth Galbraith

#attention #employs #gaining #holding #person

I've learned to have a sense of humor about myself. Lord knows everyone else does! ↗

— Debbie Gibson

#does #else #everyone #humor #i

No," said Luis, "You can't date the Lord of the Night Court." "Well, I'm not, he dumped me." "You can't get dumped by the lord of the night court." "Oh, yes, you can. You so completely can. ↗

— Holly Black

#dating

It's easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they're almost the same [...] So your mom thinks we're ma-- Uh, dating? ↗

— Anna Banks

#humorous #ya #young-adult #dating

I don't understand how people can stand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something, and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh! ↗

— Tupac Shakur

#sex #dating

What are you doing here, anyway? You don’t strike me as the speed dating type.’ ‘I lost a bet with Alfie,’ he says. ‘You met him at The Cow that day . . .?’ Waistcoat Guy, I think, nodding. ‘I said to him that if you didn’t text me back then I’d try speed dating, because I’m officially the worst single man in London.’ ‘You’re not!’ I say. ‘I mean, it wasn’t a bad date. I was just . . .’ ‘Don’t say you were drunk! It’s the biggest post-sex insult ever.’ ‘. . . drunk, I mean drinking, a bit more than I ought, and I was, uh, cringing at the thought that I’d been a nightmare date.’ ‘No. You were great,’ says Mark/Skinny Jeans. ‘Actually, the biggest post-sex insult is “we did?”’ says Robert. ‘But that’s another story. ↗

— Gemma Burgess

#robert-on-the-phone #speed-dating #dating

I'd tell you nice try, but... it wasn't. ↗

— Cynder

#sarcasm #sarcastic-humor #humor

We all make mistakes. That's why my pencil has an eraser. ↗

— Chris Grabenstein

#humor

If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves. They’re lined with fur and are perfect for a cold February 14th winter day. I’ll let you borrow them sometime, maybe even this summer. I recommend wearing them in conjunction with my Sensitivity Pants, which are so tight they show the emotion betrayed by your crotch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age