#humor

Therefore was I created with a stubborn outside, with an aspect of iron, that when I come to woo ladies, I fright them. But, in faith, Kate, the elder I wax, the better I shall appear. My comfort is that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. Thou hast me, if thou hast me, at the worst, and thou shalt wear me, if thou wear me, better and better. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#love #age

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#death #drown #freeze #freezing #funny

Haley and I would talk for hours about which member of 'N Sync we'd want to marry. After long deliberation, the answer was always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's last name was going to be “Fat One” no matter how great he was, and even though they didn't know at their age that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed he'd make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin Timberlake, well, JT was the coolest and hottest, but too flashy, so we couldn't trust him to be faithful. J. C. Chasez was the smart compromise. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#humor #ideal-man #jc-chasez #jt #life

Oh, and it’s also Reaming Day, the day where the kids between the ages of twelve to eighteen are chosen to participate in the Hunger But Mainly DeathGames, which, as you might expect from the name, is a tournament in which kidsfight to the death, and occasionally experience hunger. ↗

— Authors of Nightlight

#parody #age

If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you rather eat it? As for me, pass me my Speedo, and a spoon. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#beauty #humor #making-love #plainness #women

I was quite a looker in my time," she said. Was she reading his mind, or only being smart, to know she must be hideous? "Oh, had they invented time as long ago as that? ↗

— Gregory Maguire

#old-age #age

The longest 60 seconds in the world occur when someone says, “I’ll be there in a minute.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #late #minute #time #waiting

I'm over the hill for come-on lines. On a quiet day, I can hear my liver rotting. For exercise, I fall down. ~ Clete ↗

— James Lee Burke

#humor #pick-up-lines #age

I’ll tell you what love is. Love is walking up and down Archer Road in Gainesville, Florida and feeling like Cupid. Too bad the cops took issue with me hitch hiking with a bow and arrow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gainesville #humor #love #age