#humorous

I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention. It's amazing to me when people are totally unaware of how bad they are at socializing. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#lol #humor

When we faced Mom, we saw she was addressing Max. "We get to know each other I'll get to hug you." "Mom!" I snapped and Mom turned to me. "I get to do it when he doesn't have a shirt on too. I'm calling it now," Mom declared. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#humor

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all our friends, and an entire police force can't keep tabs on one twenty-six year old graphic designer who thinks he's fuckin' Batman. --Detective Sam Kage in A Matter Of Time (vol 2 or part 4) ↗

— Mary Calmes

#design

Sh!t. F_ck sh!t.'.... 'Sh!t f_ck would have also been accepted. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humorous #humor

Fuckstockings! ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

He was rather a low sort of pony. The fact is, he had been originally jobbed out by the day, and he never quite got over his old habits. He was clever in melodrama too, but too broad--too broad. When the mother died, he took the port-wine business.' 'The port-wine business!' cried Nicholas. 'Drinking port-wine with the clown,' said the manager; 'but he was greedy, and one night bit off the bowl of the glass, and choked himself, so his vulgarity was the death of him at last. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#business

Behind every great man stands a surprised woman. ↗

— Anon. -

#humor

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#funny #humor #humorous #humour #life

Don't Spit in the Soup, We All Gotta Eat ↗

— Lyndon B. Johnson

#thought-provoking